Archive for July, 2010

Almost a year ago, Jenny and I were about to become grandparents. We had ultra sound pictures of our first grandchild. Baby showers seemed to be happening every weekend as Cyndi’s endless groups of friends and family were throwing parties. Cyndi was a glow and focused on pre-natal care of her baby. Being a “drug baby” herself, she was absolutely obsessive about what she ate and what medicines she took. Cyndi had just celebrated her 20th birthday and was just soo excited about becoming a mommy.

Her husband worked swing shift and got home around midnight every night. At various times they would call us around 12:30 or 1:00 in the morning and ask Jenny and I if we wanted to join them at iHoP for a late night snack. On August 22, 2009 around 12:30 am, Cyndi called us. Jenny answered the phone. Cyndi wanted to know if we wanted to join them for a late night snack. We were already in bed and elected not to join them and Jenny told Cyndi she loved her as she hung up. At around 3:30 am I answered a phone call, and it is someone from Huntsville Hospital calling and asking if we are the parents of Cyndi. They told us she had been in a serious accident. It was an extended extraction from the car and we need to get to the hospital. They were vague on answers other than Cyndi was in critical condition.

In reality my grandson was already dead, and Cyndi had died several times and she was struggling for life as they had to continually revive her.

After Cyndi had called us they headed to iHoP, according to the accident report, they were traveling 22MPH and got T-Boned by a car that failed to stop at a flashing red light going 45MPH, about 2 miles from their home. The car plowed into the passenger side of the car where Cyndi was. Cyndi’s husband and the teenagers in the other car, walked away from the accident.

We arrived at the Hospital. They told us they had done an emergency c-section. They informed us they were unable to save the baby. They wanted to know if we wanted to see him. They had our first grandson wrapped in blankets and he looked like he was sleeping. They gave him to Jenny to hold. Jenny got to hold her first grandson, he was a beautiful. Then they ushered us to the trauma section. The surgeon came out and told us that Cyndi was in very critical condition. She had been revived many times, and was unlikely to live. Some minutes later they came and got us and took us back to see Cyndi. It was clear, the purpose was so we could see her and say goodbye while she was still alive. We got to spend about 5 minutes with her (she of course was unconscious and on all sorts of machines) A while later they informed she had died. In a span of three hours my world went from a joyous expectation of new life…. to death. My first grandson is dead. My daughter is dead. My world was wrong.

It was the day the world went wrong, I screamed til my voice was gone
And watched through the tears, As everything came crashing down
Slowly panic turns to pain, As we awake to what remains
and sift through the ashes that are left behind

So now starts the infinite trap of “what if”. How much would the timeline have to change to allow the 2 cars to past each other safely? What if we had said yes, we would meet them at iHoP. Would that have changed the timing enough or would that have just left us at iHoP wondering where Cyndi was and the hospital unable to reach us. What if we had tried to convince them it was too late for them to go out. What if we had made the conversation shorter? What if we had made the conversation longer? What if we had not answered the phone? What if, what if, what if…

Why God? Cyndi loved God! We loved God. We all believed in the power of God. Why God? This is not the time for cute sayings. And no, God did not need another angel so he took Cyndi. God did not cause Cyndi’s death. God wants nothing but good for us. But we live in a fallen world, where people make wrong choices. It was the teenager’s choice to drive recklessly. Not God’s. It rains on the just and unjust. God did not need a new angel in heaven. God did not want a teenager to screw up his life by killing two people and getting charged as an adult for murder. But because of reckless choices of a driver, August 22, 2009 was a very sad day for several families. Our family lost a daughter and a grandson that will never be replaced on this earth. Another family has to live with the results of his actions and have to watch as he got arrested and charged with murder. The world went wrong on August 22, 2009.But buried deep beneath, All our broken dreams, we have this hope:

Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
and we will dance among the ruins, We will see Him with our own eyes
Out of these ashes… beauty will rise
For we know, joy is coming in the morning…in the morning, beauty will rise

Cyndi was in extremely bad shape. Her internal organs severally damaged. I do believe it was God’s mercy that he decided to welcome Cyndi and Keshon home. For those of us who know Christ, to be absent from the body is to be present with God. We believe God has shown us some of his Will in all of this. We will not fully understand until we are face to face, but we are at peace. What God has shown us is personal and I won’t share, but I do know that I look forward to a glorious reunion with her in Heaven someday.

You’re in a better place, I’ve heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I’ve rejoiced for you
But the reason why I’m broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home’s where my heart is then I’m out of place
Lord, won’t you give me strength to make it through somehow
I’ve never been more homesick than now

As we head into the Month of August, it gets harder to not continually think about my little girl. About what might have been. About what should have been. But it is my over whelming joy to know that she is with God, with no more tears or sorrows.

Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive
So God, You know I’ll trust in You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl

Song Lyrics from: Steven Curtis Chapman and Mercy Me

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